Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What's this? Already? I

i'm starting to feel some pain again......not really intense, but enough that it's uncomfortable...especially like one time today when i was walking across the parking lot. Before i had the lap i was in pain for 3 weeks out of the month....i was absolutely miserable! I've had some pain, some that's been extremely severe,and some that 's barely been noticable since the surgery. Last week i didnt hardly have any pain at all. I was hoping that wasnt just the no pain week. It really had encouraged me, but i guess i got fooled by the lack of pain last week. I've been doing really good up until now, was hoping that the pain was really going away :) but i'm still hoping and trusting in God to work this together for His purpose and will for my life....i just wish that the pain wasnt part of it. It's going to be okay though, it always is when God's got your back :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm Truly Letting Go This Time

There have been lots of changes in the past couple of months and i've been saying to God that i'm letting go of my plans and dreams and grasping his fully, but today it has truly hit me. I'm falling deeper in love with cristian, the best boyfriend ever. I've had surgery and dont know what the future holds for me. I have no clue what i want to do when i graduate school in a year and a half (scary...lol) . I feel God telling me different things about my future, like maybe being involved in missions, or something of that nature. It doesnt really scare me, but it's just something that i'm thinking about currently. I've always felt pulled in that direction but thought that maybe it was just me and not God. But now i'm starting to think otherwise. I'm letting go though, God's got it all in control. He knows what's best for me and what will happen..:)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Here's a song by Francesca Battistelli....i love her music!
My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobatThere’s no turning back
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing controlOf my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I’m letting goOf the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing controlOf my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding meI’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

two snow days in a row!

well, this is the second snow day! hopefully i can put some pics up here soon! i've been sick with a virus for the past couple of days but i feel a lot better today! Hopefully i can go out and play in it...with my kitties, lexi max and nastia....:)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I got a JJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBB! just part time, but hey...i got a job!

I now have a part time babysitting job! I 've been trying to get one for so long now, GOD is awesome!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

It's a long journey, but worth the wait!

okay, so i've been waiting for this post op appt which seems like forever, but today was absolutely perfect! I went in and she confirmed the diagnosis of endometriosis, told me where it was, and basically confirmed the beliefs i had for the past 9 months. It's one thing to have endo and not realize that you have it for a reason, just take it for granted , like a curse. Believe me i know what the pain feels like and what the emotional side effects are from the bc, different meds, surgery, recovery, and simply having the disease. I am NOT going crazy..lol. I've just suddenly realized in the last week that God has chosen me for this journey and i shouldnt question his reasoning. That doesnt mean that i dont believe in healing or in God turning a situation completely around, because i have every bit of faith that he can do that in anyone's life including my own. I come to realize that you can either come to accept what God wants you to or that you can hate yourself everyday for what is happening to your body. You can really get depressed thinking about the future with kids and just dealing with the pain that endometriosis brings your way, but i've decided that from this day on endometriosis doesnt own me. I may have endometriosis, but that's not all i have. I have God first of all, a great family that could never be replaced, my best friend and twin sis and supporter, a wonderful boyfriend that doesnt mind that i have this disease, and so many friends (both ones that i know, and ones that i only come into contact with over the web) . I dont have to be lonely, be sad , or be frustrated anymore. I can be happy that i still have my life, i may have pain but that's not who i am. I am a beautiful, healthy (other than this disease..lol), and intelligent daughter, sister, grandaughter, and girlfriend. God's got my back and i dont have to worry about the future anymore, He's here and His love for me is all that i need.
So i figured i would update you wonderful women on where my endo was located :
my doc told me today that the bulk of my endometriosis was located in my cul-de-sac and rectum area. She wasnt able to remove all of it because she was afraid of tearing a hole in my rectum. But she did get a huge chunk of it (i think those were her exact words..lol) i also had some located on my right pelvic wall, but she said it wasnt as much as the other location and she is confident that most of my pain was coming from the rectum and cul-de-sac area. She also mentioned the uterer area, but she said that was too risky to remove from that area. I am starting a new bc pill that has a little bit more estrogen in it, so we'll see how that turns out. I have faith that God's going to let something work..lol I am really glad that i finally got the chance to have a lap becuase it really made me feel like i wasnt crazy anymore ...not really crazy, but just that it confirmed what i felt like. Finally i have the confimation of all those last 5 or 6 years of complete torture (earlier on it was just around ovulation and my period, but this year as of june it was pretty much everyday) . God is so awesome, i know i say that a lot on my status, but He really is. I've truly discovered what life is all about and what i have to do. I almost feel like if i hadnt gone thru all of this that i wouldnt be where i am today. Endometriosis teaches you a lot about life, if you allow it to.
Sorry this is so long, but i just felt like saying all of this, maybe it can encourage someone who maybe is just starting out on their endo journey, like i was almost a year ago. THanks to all of you wonderful women for every bit of encouragement and wisdom , without you dont know what i would do. Good nite!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

okay, so it's changed again! lol

the appt is actually this thurs....yay! so i guess i'll be updating you sooner than i thought! Hope all of you are having a wonderful week so far!

well, i just got the call from a nurse at my doc's office and it looks like my post-op appt has been rescheduled to next mon! It's kind of aggravating, but oh well, i've waited this long to find out that i actually have endometriosis, so what's a few more days to find out exactly where it was located?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Check out my new myspace group! :)

i recently created a new group that hopefully will help me on the journey to seeing my little chinese princess one day. I've got a long journey ahead of me, seeing that i'm only 21 and i have a long time to wait. I know that one day it will all be worth it when i see her.
Just feel free to check my group out and any advice left would deeply be appreciated! The name of the group is My Little Chinese Princess

thanks so much...hopefully i can update some more about my surgery tomorrow after i go to my post op appt ....hope everyone has been having great year so far!